Is Transgenderism Real or Perceived?

“Dan, let’s get really controversial!”

We’ve all watched as the LGBTQ community continues to add letters to their moniker as new sexual identities show up in society. “Lesbian, Gay, Bi-sexual, Transgender, and Questioning” are those identified by the Community so far that have “earned” individual identity labels. With that come many new questions. Let’s be honest: scientific and psychological discussions about sexual preference, identity, biological sex determination studies have all come to one — and just one — unifying conclusion: there is NO conclusion!

Today we are NOT here to put any facts in evidence of the validity of any common or uncommon sexual identity processes or to in anyway denigrate any of those who bear voluntarily or involuntarily any of these or other labels. At this site, our commitment has been and always will be to ask questions that are legitimate, probing, and always honest and sincere. We NEVER tell you what to think. We simply WANT you to think through as many probable explanations for all things we experience and life, and as often as possible find answers for yourself that give you peace.

“Just because you think something is right doesn’t mean it’s right. And just because you think something is wrong doesn’t mean it’s wrong.” That is the underlying premise objective thinkers must embrace: consider ALL possibilities and try to find real answers.

To that end, today we include here a report by a pediatrician regarding issues with Transgender Identification. Watch or listen to this. Be objective in your thinking.

Thoughts

For a decade, I owned a team in the Arena Football League. I had a commitment to each of my head coaches during that decade: I will NOT get involved in player personnel issues. However, each head coach always wanted to introduce me to his “new” team each season the first day of training camp.  After the usual niceties, I felt like I should give these young men a tidbit or two they might remember later in their lives, but were true and appropriate even then at their young ages.

I always gave these young athletes — who each were fighting to get a shot at the National Football League — an old man’s perspective on a few life lessons. I always after being introduced would pick one player out of the crowd and ask him, “Who are you?” Inevitably the answer always was something like this: “I’m a football player from Alabama who plays wide receiver.” I’d then ask the same question to several other players and always received similar answers.

Then I would correct each at one time by saying: “All of you are wrong. You aren’t a football player — you’re a man who plays football. Football is only what you do. It’s a job. Don’t ever let what you do determine who you are.”

Summary

America has certainly changed dramatically the last hundred years — even in the last decade. Social consciousness has become a much more significant factor in our culture, dramatically different from that of our parents and their parents. And today’s social consciousness is driven by far more outside factors than any previous generation of Americans.

Unfortunately, while human consciousness, psychological abilities and processes have changed too, their changes have not kept pace with their social consciousness counterparts. Some (but not all) of the results of the vast gap in the two are self identification issues that push psychological, social, and biological identities far apart.

As a parent and grand parent, I sadly watch this play out in America and other countries as this generation of young people try diligently to “find their way” in becoming who they really are. The outside forces that feed this process have probably multiplied in number ten-fold or more since the turn of the century. Yet while that has happened, young people biologically are still young people who are growing through and into their adult lives. The big differences between these young people and Baby Boomers sadly have evolved into cultural, social, and psychological identity determination that some mental health and medical professionals have used to further political and/or social agendas.

The cost? The psychological and social stability of millions of young people who no longer can correctly answer the question I asked those football players: “Who are you?”

To that end, let me caution all who read or listen to this: be careful to NOT pressure any in your life who are naturally growing through all the outside and inside forces people face in natural growth and maturity while growing into adults.

Please know this: the pediatrician in the video though a doctor has an opinion. Obviously her education, practice, and expertise in these matters dwarf those of most of us. She’s a doctor. In the video she states biological facts to enforce what she is saying. Those facts are compelling.

I encourage all who may have matured in a different era with vastly divergent identity thoughts and ideas, and who may be tempted to denigrate those who today are struggling with their identities because of these things: be open minded. Look, listen, and discuss.

Remember this: each Baby Boomer, Millennial, Generation X-er, and every member of every generation to come face different internal and external factors that previous generations never knew existed before their birth. When given the opportunity, I suggest that we all find ways to encourage all young people in our lives to diligently research and learn specifics about all of the influences that determine how their lives will evolve. Give them something substantive that they will remember that will last, be positive, and encouraging.

You can give them this along with yours: “Don’t let where you are in life determine WHO you are. WHERE you are is only one stop in life toward WHERE you’re going.”

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The Day of Liberty

Today is the day we remember the birth of a nation: the United States of America. July 4, 1776, a group representing the 13 colonies whose citizens had traveled thousands of miles to escape an elitist, overbearing, despotic government in Europe joined together to put that brutal government on notice: the evil acts committed against the People of these Colonies would no longer be allowed. July 4, 1776, the representatives of the colonists put the King of Great Britain on notice of their independence from British domain.

From time to time we have read and heard bits and pieces of that Declaration. Today is a fitting day for all of us share the entire Declaration of those new Americans that birthed the greatest nation on Earth: The United States of America.

Please today honor that country that is your home and was for your parents, their parents, and their parents’ parents. Honor that country today – even in the midst of the strife, discontent, misunderstandings, and animus that often plague people who are different in many ways from their neighbors. Today — for at least one day – let’s put aside our personal differences and agree on this one thing: we are indeed blessed to have the freedom to disagree. How so? Because the freedom to do so was purchased at unimaginable costs to those colonists. The price paid for liberty was the blood and sacrifices of the thousands of men and women that in the late 1700’s won Independence, and the additional men and women who have numerous times since spilled their blood to protect and preserve that liberty for us all.

In honor of all those who gave their lives, sacrificed their livelihoods and health, please join me as we listen to that Declaration sent to the King of Britain July 4, 1776.

IN CONGRESS, JULY 4, 1776

The unanimous Declaration of the thirteen united States of America

hen in the Course of human events it becomes necessary for one people to dissolve the political bands which have connected them with another and to assume among the powers of the earth, the separate and equal station to which the Laws of Nature and of Nature’s God entitle them, a decent respect to the opinions of mankind requires that they should declare the causes which impel them to the separation.

We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness. — That to secure these rights, Governments are instituted among Men, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed, — That whenever any Form of Government becomes destructive of these ends, it is the Right of the People to alter or to abolish it, and to institute new Government, laying its foundation on such principles and organizing its powers in such form, as to them shall seem most likely to effect their Safety and Happiness. Prudence, indeed, will dictate that Governments long established should not be changed for light and transient causes; and accordingly all experience hath shewn that mankind are more disposed to suffer, while evils are sufferable than to right themselves by abolishing the forms to which they are accustomed. But when a long train of abuses and usurpations, pursuing invariably the same Object evinces a design to reduce them under absolute Despotism, it is their right, it is their duty, to throw off such Government, and to provide new Guards for their future security. — Such has been the patient sufferance of these Colonies; and such is now the necessity which constrains them to alter their former Systems of Government. The history of the present King of Great Britain is a history of repeated injuries and usurpations, all having in direct object the establishment of an absolute Tyranny over these States. To prove this, let Facts be submitted to a candid world.

He has refused his Assent to Laws, the most wholesome and necessary for the public good.

He has forbidden his Governors to pass Laws of immediate and pressing importance, unless suspended in their operation till his Assent should be obtained; and when so suspended, he has utterly neglected to attend to them.

He has refused to pass other Laws for the accommodation of large districts of people, unless those people would relinquish the right of Representation in the Legislature, a right inestimable to them and formidable to tyrants only.

He has called together legislative bodies at places unusual, uncomfortable, and distant from the depository of their Public Records, for the sole purpose of fatiguing them into compliance with his measures.

He has dissolved Representative Houses repeatedly, for opposing with manly firmness his invasions on the rights of the people.

He has refused for a long time, after such dissolutions, to cause others to be elected, whereby the Legislative Powers, incapable of Annihilation, have returned to the People at large for their exercise; the State remaining in the mean time exposed to all the dangers of invasion from without, and convulsions within.

He has endeavoured to prevent the population of these States; for that purpose obstructing the Laws for Naturalization of Foreigners; refusing to pass others to encourage their migrations hither, and raising the conditions of new Appropriations of Lands.

He has obstructed the Administration of Justice by refusing his Assent to Laws for establishing Judiciary Powers.

He has made Judges dependent on his Will alone for the tenure of their offices, and the amount and payment of their salaries.

He has erected a multitude of New Offices, and sent hither swarms of Officers to harass our people and eat out their substance.

He has kept among us, in times of peace, Standing Armies without the Consent of our legislatures.

He has affected to render the Military independent of and superior to the Civil Power.

He has combined with others to subject us to a jurisdiction foreign to our constitution, and unacknowledged by our laws; giving his Assent to their Acts of pretended Legislation:

For quartering large bodies of armed troops among us:

For protecting them, by a mock Trial from punishment for any Murders which they should commit on the Inhabitants of these States:

For cutting off our Trade with all parts of the world:

For imposing Taxes on us without our Consent:

For depriving us in many cases, of the benefit of Trial by Jury:

For transporting us beyond Seas to be tried for pretended offences:

For abolishing the free System of English Laws in a neighbouring Province, establishing therein an Arbitrary government, and enlarging its Boundaries so as to render it at once an example and fit instrument for introducing the same absolute rule into these Colonies

For taking away our Charters, abolishing our most valuable Laws and altering fundamentally the Forms of our Governments:

For suspending our own Legislatures, and declaring themselves invested with power to legislate for us in all cases whatsoever.

He has abdicated Government here, by declaring us out of his Protection and waging War against us.

He has plundered our seas, ravaged our coasts, burnt our towns, and destroyed the lives of our people.

He is at this time transporting large Armies of foreign Mercenaries to compleat the works of death, desolation, and tyranny, already begun with circumstances of Cruelty & Perfidy scarcely paralleled in the most barbarous ages, and totally unworthy the Head of a civilized nation.

He has constrained our fellow Citizens taken Captive on the high Seas to bear Arms against their Country, to become the executioners of their friends and Brethren, or to fall themselves by their Hands.

He has excited domestic insurrections amongst us, and has endeavoured to bring on the inhabitants of our frontiers, the merciless Indian Savages whose known rule of warfare, is an undistinguished destruction of all ages, sexes and conditions.

In every stage of these Oppressions We have Petitioned for Redress in the most humble terms: Our repeated Petitions have been answered only by repeated injury. A Prince, whose character is thus marked by every act which may define a Tyrant, is unfit to be the ruler of a free people.

Nor have We been wanting in attentions to our British brethren. We have warned them from time to time of attempts by their legislature to extend an unwarrantable jurisdiction over us. We have reminded them of the circumstances of our emigration and settlement here. We have appealed to their native justice and magnanimity, and we have conjured them by the ties of our common kindred to disavow these usurpations, which would inevitably interrupt our connections and correspondence. They too have been deaf to the voice of justice and of consanguinity. We must, therefore, acquiesce in the necessity, which denounces our Separation, and hold them, as we hold the rest of mankind, Enemies in War, in Peace Friends.

We, therefore, the Representatives of the united States of America, in General Congress, Assembled, appealing to the Supreme Judge of the world for the rectitude of our intentions, do, in the Name, and by Authority of the good People of these Colonies, solemnly publish and declare, That these united Colonies are, and of Right ought to be Free and Independent States, that they are Absolved from all Allegiance to the British Crown, and that all political connection between them and the State of Great Britain, is and ought to be totally dissolved; and that as Free and Independent States, they have full Power to levy War, conclude Peace, contract Alliances, establish Commerce, and to do all other Acts and Things which Independent States may of right do. — And for the support of this Declaration, with a firm reliance on the protection of Divine Providence, we mutually pledge to each other our Lives, our Fortunes, and our sacred Honor.

New Hampshire:
Josiah Bartlett, William Whipple, Matthew Thornton

Massachusetts:
John Hancock, Samuel Adams, John Adams, Robert Treat Paine, Elbridge Gerry

Rhode Island:
Stephen Hopkins, William Ellery

Connecticut:
Roger Sherman, Samuel Huntington, William Williams, Oliver Wolcott

New York:
William Floyd, Philip Livingston, Francis Lewis, Lewis Morris

New Jersey:
Richard Stockton, John Witherspoon, Francis Hopkinson, John Hart, Abraham Clark

Pennsylvania:
Robert Morris, Benjamin Rush, Benjamin Franklin, John Morton, George Clymer, James Smith, George Taylor, James Wilson, George Ross

Delaware:
Caesar Rodney, George Read, Thomas McKean

Maryland:
Samuel Chase, William Paca, Thomas Stone, Charles Carroll of Carrollton

Virginia:
George Wythe, Richard Henry Lee, Thomas Jefferson, Benjamin Harrison, Thomas Nelson, Jr., Francis Lightfoot Lee, Carter Braxton

North Carolina:
William Hooper, Joseph Hewes, John Penn

South Carolina:
Edward Rutledge, Thomas Heyward, Jr., Thomas Lynch, Jr., Arthur Middleton

Georgia:
Button Gwinnett, Lyman Hall, George Walton

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Establishment Republicans are a Dying Breed

For a really long time, the G.O.P. was dominated by its own “ruling class” — now termed “Establishment Republicans.” Counted among their leadership were Bush 41, Bush 43, Jeb Bush, all the other Bush family surrogates, Mitt Romney, John McCain, Orin Hatch, Mitch McConnell, Paul Ryan, and many others who have literally or just figuratively “gone away.” But things are changing!

The G.O.P. Today

Enter Donald Trump: a former Democrat, former liberal thinker turned Republican. But Trump is the antithesis to establishment Republican ideals.

Many Republicans thought he would NEVER be able to amass sufficient support to win even the G.O.P. nomination for President in 2016. They were wrong. Many of these same Republicans were certain he could never draw voter support to win the general election — certainly not against the darling of America, Hillary Clinton. They were wrong. But Establishment Republicans did NOT stop there: they knew for a fact Trump could NEVER get any of his campaign promises to affect real legislative accomplishments implemented if he somehow won in 2016. Wrong again.

Did you know that on the way to the White House, Trump defeated these “other” Republican candidates, most of whom were G.O.P. Establishment through and through?

  • Mike Huckabee
  • Rand Paul
  • Rick Santorum
  • Carly Fiorina
  • Chris Christie
  • Jim Gilmore
  • Jeb Bush
  • Ben Carson
  • Marco Rubio
  • Ted Cruz
  • John Kasich
  • George Pataki
  • Lindsey Graham
  • Bobby Jindahl
  • Scott Walker
  • Rick Perry

Oh, there were 5 more candidates you probably never heard of: Jack Fellure, Andy Martin, Dennis Lynch, Mark Everson, and Jimmy McMillan: President Trump beat 22 Republicans — most of who were longtime G.O.P. “possibilities and far more likely than Trump for the job — on his way to victory?

One would think by now, the G.O.P. dinosaurs would fade away. Instead, many of them have a death grip on the Party, refusing to step aside to for the will of Conservative Americans to move the G.O.P. away from the Establishment. Mitt Romney, Jeff Flake, Mitch McConnell, Paul Ryan, and many others are hanging on for dear life. Why is that?

What Defines “Establishment Republicans?”

The answer to that question has been puzzling for many for years. The answer should certainly be based on the policy differences between the Democrat Party and the Republican Party. But during the past few decades, that difference has dramatically blurred. If you write a list of major American policies and the positions on each taken by Conservatives and Liberals, you’ll see that until Donald Trump took the oath of office, the differences between the Establishment Democrat and Establishment Republican parties were slim (and in many cases) none.

Donald Trump gave conservative Americans who for years had watched the G.O.P. simply giveaway conservative policies, bowing more and more to the whims of their liberal counterparts in Congress, without any plausible explanations to Americans for doing so. Whether they were economical and tax issues, trade issues, immigration policy matters, foreign policy negotiations, healthcare (and the list goes on and on), the Establishment G.O.P. without notice of intent to do so simply walked away from conservatives. And until Trump walked onto the Conservative Stage in 2015, no Republican really knew for sure what had happened to the G.O.P.! 

Make no mistake about this: the Republican Party has changed — not away from its ORIGINAL structure and conservative ideals, (it had already morphed into a “Republican Lite” mode) but is now changing BACK TO those original Republican ideals. And the Establishment G.O.P. is struggling to survive in its quest to quietly keep the Grand Old Party slipping Left.

The Last Breath

When Congressman Paul Ryan (R-Wi) announced he would not seek re-election this year and would therefore relinquish the House Speaker gavel, I wondered why he would make such an announcement without planning to go ahead and step aside to allow House members to elect a new Speaker. Doing so seemed really strange. But being a political cynic, it did not take me long to realize that by not stepping down as Speaker, he had a plan.

Then there’s Mitch McConnell (R-Ky), Senate Majority Leader, who barely won re-election to his sixth term in the Senate in 2014. The G.O.P. primary in that race was pretty close. According to analysis by the University of Minnesota, this was the lowest voter support for a Kentucky U.S. Senator in a primary by either party since 1938. Yet McConnell won and now leads the Senate.

Like Ryan, knowing that in his home state and in the U.S. Senate he was growing less and less popular among the electorate and also among G.O.P. colleagues on the Hill, one would think McConnell would back away to allow other less controversial and better liked Senators to take the lead in the upper House. Yet McConnell maintained his death grip on the Senate leadership position. And since, he has kept the Senate on a  “lazy river of legislation” mode, slow-playing every meaningful nomination hearing, and delaying introduction of new legislation as promised by Republican Senate candidates and President Trump during their 2016 campaigns. McConnell in May of 2018 announced the Senate would not take up anymore “meaningful legislation” until after the November elections! He announced that with so many hot legislative topics on the minds of the majority of Americans.

Could the reason for these two Establishment G.O. P. leaders hanging around D.C. in their positions of power be for a reason other than to serve their voting constituents while leading the Republican Party in D.C.? If Paul Ryan was really concerned about making sure loose ends were tied up before his Speaker retirement and to maintain control of the House in the mid-term elections, it seems more logical for him to step down, immediately handing control of the House to his successor. Doing so would assure voters that whoever House Republicans elected to replace Ryan would be both capable and committed to continue and push forward with the Trump agenda. Remember: Almost all G.O.P. House members during THEIR 2016 election and re-election bids used the Trump agenda and groundswell of its acceptance by voters to win their House seats.

Who can forget the scene of G.O.P. Senator John McCain after casting the “death vote” that would have allowed debate on killing Obamacare to come to the Senate floor? Immediately following casting his vote, he was seen high-fiving House Minority Leader Chuck Schumer (D-NY) walking off the Senate floor. American Republicans en masse wanted (and still want) Obamacare done away with. What has the Senate done to heed that G.O.P. voter issue: to do away with Obamacare and replace it? Nothing — not even debating a bill.

And then there’s Mitt Romney. Former Michigan resident, Massachusetts governor, failed Republican Presidential candidate in 2012, is now an odds-on favorite to replace retiring Senator Orin Hatch as Utah Senator. Romney in his bid to unseat Barack Obama seemed to many conservatives to have Obama on the run — until the final month of the campaign. Romney all but disappeared — sort of like Hillary Clinton did a month before the 2016 election. To many it seemed that he just gave up that last month, giving Obama his second term.

Now Romney is taking another shot at winning an election. The longtime Senator he is replacing was not originally a Trump supporter. But Hatch after the 2016 election threw himself into the job of supporting conservative causes. And later as he saw the Trump accomplishments pile up, Hatch said that President Trump just might go down as the best U.S. President ever.

What about Romney and in his Utah Senatorial campaign his support for the Trump agenda?

“I have and will continue to speak out when the president says or does something which is divisive, racist, sexist, anti-immigrant, dishonest or destructive to democratic institutions,” Romney wrote. “I do not make this a daily commentary; I express contrary views only when I believe it is a matter of substantial significance.”

That sounds to me much more like an Establishment Republican leaning Democrat statement than a Conservative statement of support.

Evidence of G.O.P. Establishment Dying

The proof that the G.O.P. Establishment is really dying and that Donald Trump has (with his election and policy leadership support among party members) at least exposed the move toward more traditional Conservatism in the Republican Party, is shown in a Pew Research Poll released today:

About half of conservative Republicans and leaners (52%) say Trump has changed the GOP for the better, 36% think he hasn’t changed the party much, and just 9% say he has changed the GOP for the worse.

♦Among moderate and liberal Republicans, a smaller share (34%) say Trump has changed the party for the better, while 49% say he hasn’t changed the party much (only 11% say he has changed the party for the worse).

♦Those who identify as Republican are more likely to view Trump’s impact on the party positively (53%) than to say he hasn’t changed the party much (34%).

♦By contrast, the balance of opinion is reversed among independents who lean toward the Republican Party: 51% say he hasn’t changed the party much, while a third say he has changed the GOP for the better. Only about one-in-ten in either group say he has changed the party for the worse.

Additionally, Donald Trump has higher approval ratings among all voters than did Barack Obama after his first 500 days in office. And one-by-one we’re watching as numerous political “left-leaners” quietly move toward the right — toward REAL conservative ideals.

Why should this be so shocking to G.O.P. leadership? It should not surprise them, but it does. It SHOULD prompt them to do as more than 60 million Americans have done: get on board.

It’s not so much about going all in for Donald Trump personally. It’s about what he has achieved for Americans. It’s about fulfilling campaign promises — which is rare for any Republican OR Democrat to do. It’s not about liking or agreeing with his messaging methods and verbiage. It’s about the United States of America, its economical and social turnaround that was totally transformed by his predecessor, away from the Greatness that had pushed the U.S. to the top of the pile of all the countries in the world.

Could Trump do things better? I really don’t know. I DO know that he could tamp down the rhetoric of those who constantly attack him by simply toning down the tone of his messaging. But if he did that, maybe American conservatives that have been ignored for so long by their Senators and Congressmen would not be in such full support of President Trump.

My summary of all this is simple: Establishment Republicans should open their eyes to the truth that the Old Republican Party really IS dead. One G.O.P. dinosaur called it perfectly last week. Former Republican House Speaker John Boehner said, “There is no more Republican Party. It’s now the Trump Party.” Boehner said that in a derogatory fashion. But you know what? I’m pretty sure he was right.

 

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Changes!

The Winds of Change are blowing at dnewman.org. And change is coming!

As promised, I have news for dnewman.org for all of you today — exciting for us and I hope for you:

  1. We are no longer going to “label” our Podcast and Blog Posts “dnewman.org.”
  2. Starting later this week, the “official” identity of dnewman.org will become (and will be called) “TNN: Truth News Network @ dnewman.org”
  3. We have a new logo that will appear on the website and all visible production elements going forward:
  4. We are exploring live streaming daily programming of TNN podcasts (that would no longer BE podcasts, but live broadcasts), that would include audience telephone live interactions. More on that in the upcoming days.
  5. Beginning later this week, we will have various national politicians and others who work in D.C. FOR politicians on our podcasts. This has happened as a result of our growing audiences and the word of this venture being passed around person to person. (Remember: we don’t market ourselves here)

 

 

None of this is possible without YOU. We were NOT looking for something else to do, believe me. My hope and prayer is that in all of these efforts, conversations, stories, and interviews, you and others who look/listen in will be challenged to investigate, listen, and watch for truth instead of simply believing what is written and said just because it IS written and said. “You shall know the truth and the truth will set you free!”

A humble and hearty “Thanks” to all of you for looking/listening in. You probably have gathered I am a research junkie. That’s surprising to me because I have the attention span of a mosquito! None of this is for glory or recognition or praise. Coming from a background of Journalism in which honesty, truth, and non-partisanship were pillars of the Art, the shock and awe I experience watching, reading, and listening to today’s “Journalists” has challenged me beyond explanation. I cannot sit quietly while our friends, relatives, and fellow workers are daily bombarded with misrepresentations cloaked as “facts” and “News” that are anything but. I feel a responsibility to put REAL news out there so our readers and listeners have the ability to make informed decisions.

It’s funny that in doing this, discerning between fact and fiction in news reporting becomes easier the longer one takes the initiative to investigate!

Thanks for joining us, making suggestions, asking questions, and digging in. Remember in all this: THE BEST IS YET TO COME!

Dan

 

Insanity in the U.S.!

Mass Insanity is Here

Civility in America is dead…..or it’s certainly dying. The art of communication with each other is now ancient istory. Have you noticed how angry conversations almost always seem to explode between people with different ideas, ideals, political perspectives, religious and ethnic and racial identities, and nationalities? Whatever happened to what my Mom always said to me: “If you can’t say something nice to someone don’t say anything at all?” That’s now a lost art. The mantra of conversation now seems to be, “If you think it, say it. Don’t worry about who or how your words might hurt others. Just get it off your chest.” What drives this “new” art of communication? What changed?

There are no doubt dozens if not hundreds of things that shape the way we communicate with others. But there seems to be one driving factor in this process today: Meism. Meism is a personal characteristic that is always shows up in every society, but in most societies those who own this trait constitute just a small fraction of its population. But that percentage in America is today staggering – and growing everyday.

Me-ism defined is “Self-importance without any evidence that we (or our world view) actually matter.” Let me repeat that: Me-ism is “Self-importance without any evidence that we (or our world view) actually matter.” Everything is all about ME, to the exclusion of everyone else in the world. And the only “THINGS” that matter or the “THINGS” I deem important. What is really important in the world to Me-ists is totally irrelevant in the context of what Me-ists think.

Me-ism has always partnered with narcissism and selfishness. Those fit perfectly together and are interchangeable. If you know someone who is selfish or in your mind you’ve termed a narcissist, that person surely espouses Me-ism.

Unfortunately for us all, Me-ism steals its way through every sector of our lives. Its by-product is to always destroy personal and social relationships, work atmosphere with fellow employees, and even the most intrinsic and necessary values in the lives of every American – those values found for centuries on the wheel of democracy that has made America the greatest country in World history.

For a democracy to live and last, relationships among its people must also. Me-ism’s certain result in everyone who bears it and everyone IN those person’s lives is certain Death. Relational death is a certainty with Me-ism.

Front and center today in the U.S. is a particular deep and dark Me-ism that captured the hearts and minds of millions in our nation. It bleeds into every corner of American life, but is most visible in American politics. Government – which is what politics is all about – formerly was about being “of, by, and for the people.” But no longer. Me-ists have made government and all political rhetoric about “their” self-interests at the exclusion and regard for the interests of others. Political causes are no longer about facts. Me-ists disregard any fact that runs counter to their political perspective on the matter. In Me-ism remember that Me-ists think and feel about everything using as their basis in all thought that no one else and no one else’s opinion on any worldview matters.

Today’s political hot iron is illegal immigration, border interdiction that at least temporarily separates children who illegally enter the U.S. with adults – sometimes their parents — while immigration law processes are completed. In this political narrative, Me-ists and their minions must always have their victims and must always have their villains. Illegal immigration victims? Children. Illegal immigration villain? President Donald Trump.

Here’s the simple Leftist narrative that reeks of Me-ism and has painted illegal immigration’s story with “facts” that are NOT true. (Isn’t that an oxymoron? How can a “fact” not be true?) (NOTE: THERE IS A POSSIBILITY THAT THE FOLLOWING AUDIO SEGMENTS CANNOT BE ACCESSED IN THIS FORMAT. THEY ARE ALL CERTAINLY AVAILABLE IN THE PODCAST IF UNAVAILABLE IN THIS WRITTEN BLOG POST. SORRY!)

Me-ist “Fact” #1 Donald Trump is the guilty party in separating children from their parents at the border. He started this zero policy action and it has no historical or legal precedent – or does it? (Listen to Bill Clinton)

Me-ist “Fact” #2 If Hillary Clinton was President, none of this would be happening. She agreed that illegal immigrant children should be allowed into the U.S. – or did she? (Listen to Hillary)

Me-ist Fact #3 According to CNN, MSNBC, and other news outlets, Barack Obama never separated illegal immigrant children at the southern border from their parents (Listen to at CBS report in 2014) (I apologize…his comments were recorded at a low volume)

Me-Ism Fact #3 Senate Majority Leader Chuck Schumer (D-NY) has always been an open borders supporter, Right? Wrong! (Listen to Schumer)

The Me-ists have taken this denigration of all things and all people who disagree with them to another level – a seriously scary sounding and even dangerous level – Especially the Mainstream. On MSNBC’s Morning Joe, commentator Donny Deutsch had this to say Friday, June 22nd:

All of these samples simply give us a glimpse of exactly how Americans live dangerously close to seeing suddenly a country in which many actually embrace anarchy. Don’t laugh at my assertion because throughout history, anarchy in every country that has endured a social civil war that came from the inside NEVER saw it as a civil war or even as the results of anarchy until it was too late. Stealth and apathy are the primary tools that a narcissistic country of Me-ists need and use to initiate drastic political revolt among the electorate.

Oh, we say “This could never happen in America – there are too many red, white, and blue patriots, 2nd Amendment staunch supporters that would NEVER allow an overthrow of American democracy.” Think about that: we’ve turned away from civility, we’ve turned away from “equal justice under the law,” we’ve turned away from “liberty and justice for all,” and we’ve turned away from servanthood in the government that formerly worked for the People. But most importantly, we’ve turned away from God.

Say what you will, but our forefathers knew intimately the absolute necessity of having God in the United States. They separately wrote over and over again about God’s necessary inclusion in our government and in our lives. They revered God and His power and His love for humankind. Yet Me-ists have spent a couple of centuries pushing God out of school, government, and now even private businesses, letting human nature through Me-ism rule our land.

Summary

What will it take to get our attention? Honolulu was a sleepy little Pacific island town that Sunday morning in December 1942. In an instant, thousands of Americans were slaughtered by Japanese bombers and fighter planes that no one thought could ever take on our great nation. September 11, 2001 was just another busy day in the Big Apple until 2 airliners brought New York City to its knees as a 3rd commercial airline snatched more American lives at the Pentagon in D.C. All of these horrors certainly brought Americans to full attention – for a while. But time has a way of dulling our senses and putting us to sleep.

How many Americans today are honestly willing to as Patrick Henry 2 and ½ centuries ago did and proudly, loudly, and truthfully scream to fellow American patriots “Give me Liberty or Give Me Death!”

I pray another 9-11 or Pearl Harbor or some similar horror does not become THE necessary calling to awaken Americans again. I pray that instead we will turn from our selfishness and self, look at the U.S. around us where we live with millions of others just like us, and once more begin to seek commonality with our fellow citizens. We don’t all have to think the same or feel the same about anyone or any issue. What we must regain is the ability and desire to once again put ourselves last in the trio of God, Country, and me.

We’re at the brink and most do not recognize it. I hope your eyes are open. And I hope you like me are pushing to get outside of my little world into yours WITH you.

 

Play

“Suicide is Painless”

I’m sitting in Hotel California this morning getting ready to go bury a good friend of mine. Donnie was a huge man: great athlete, former football quarterback, but a gentle giant who for 30 years + had ministered to tens of thousands kids at school assemblies and camps. He brought to those young, future American leaders many truths that many heard only from him.

On the surface, Donnie had it all together. But underneath he battled….furiously…..with one of the most deadly and most hated scourges in our society: Depression. A week ago, Depression won, and Suicide took Donnie.

The title of this offering today is actually the title song of the longtime American television comedy/drama “M.A.S.H.” Don’t for a moment believe the song: suicide is FAR from painless. Yet today, suicide is tagged as the 10th greatest cause of death among Americans. Not only did suicide take my friend Donnie this week, it too stole life from fashion icon Kate Spade and food television star Anthony Bourdain. Suicide is here…it’s big…and it’s growing.

Suicide Statistics

The World Health Organization (WHO) estimates that each year approximately one million people die from suicide, which represents a global mortality rate of 16 people per 100,000 or one death every 40 seconds. It is predicted that by 2020 the rate of death will increase to one every 20 seconds. 

  • The annual age-adjusted suicide rate is 13.42 per 100,000 individuals.
  • Men die by suicide 3.53x more often than women.
  • On average, there are 123 suicides per day.
  • White males accounted for 7 of 10 suicides in 2016.
  • Firearms account for 51% of all suicides in 2016.
  • The rate of suicide is highest in middle age — white men in particular

The highest suicide rate (19.72) was among adults between 45 and 54 years of age. The second highest rate (18.98) occurred in those 85 years or older. Younger groups have had consistently lower suicide rates than middle-aged and older adults. In 2016, adolescents and young adults aged 15 to 24 had a suicide rate of 13.15.

Suicide Attempts

No complete count is kept of suicide attempts in the U.S.; however, each year the CDC gathers data from hospitals on non-fatal injuries from self-harm as well as survey data.

In 2015, 505,507 people visited a hospital for injuries due to self-harm. This number suggests that for every reported suicide death, approximately 11.4 people visit a hospital for self-harm related injuries. However, because of the way these data are collected, we are not able to distinguish intentional suicide attempts from non-intentional self-harm behaviors.

Based on the 2016 National Survey of Drug Use and Mental Health it is estimated that 0.5 percent of the adults aged 18 or older made at least one suicide attempt. This translates to approximately 1.3 million adults. Adult females reported a suicide attempt 1.2 times as often as males. Further breakdown by gender and race are not available.

Based on the 2015 Youth Risk Behaviors Survey, 8.6 percent of youth in grades 9-12 reported that they had made at least one suicide attempt in the past 12 months. Girls attempted twice as often as boys (11.6% vs. 5.5%) and teens of Hispanic origin reported the highest rate of attempt (11.3%), especially Hispanic females (15.1%) when compared with white students (6.8%) and White females (9.8%). Approximately 2.8 percent reported making a suicide attempt that required treatment by a doctor or nurse. For those requiring treatment, rates were highest for Hispanic students with black males (4.0%) and Hispanic males (2.9%) having higher rates than white male (0.9%) students.

When it comes to suicide and suicide attempts there are rate differences depending on demographic characteristics such as age, gender, ethnicity and race. Nonetheless, suicide occurs in all demographic groups.

I am by no means a mental health professional or expert. I can only offer up opinion today. But I DO know for certain that the horrors of suicide are growing at a rapid pace as people of all ages, sexes, national origins, and ethnicities are far more often today than 10 years ago to be faced with suicide. On a national newscast moments ago, I watched as the results of an online survey just asked on this show were posted: approximately 10,000 responses were emailed to the question “Has suicide directly impacted you?” Of 10,000 people who responded, 84% said suicide had directly impacted their lives.

While this data is the most accurate we have, we estimate the numbers to be higher. Stigma surrounding suicide leads to under reporting, and data collection methods critical to suicide prevention need to be improved.

Summary

Again, I am in NO way an expert or have any professional training in dealing with suicide, its causes, and possible treatment. I would first encourage anyone who is having thoughts of suicide or know someone who is to find in your life professional help. Talk to your parent, spouse, pastor, physician about those thoughts. And be honest about your feelings. And if you know someone who is struggling with thoughts of suicide, encourage them to (with you if that suggestion works) speak to a professional in their life.

What to look and watch for can be tricky. There are many possible signs of potential suicide. Depression is often a key ingredient in suicides. But Depression is often hard to spot — especially for non-mental health professionals.

Rather than I just go on and on here repeating signs of suicide in yourself or others and what to do, I give you the link below to take a look for yourself.

http://www.yourlifecounts.org/learning-centre/know-signs-symptoms-prevent-suicide#signs1

In these crazy mass gun killings at schools, without exception AFTER they occur we are told that the shooters showed signs to others before they slaughtered their schoolmates. And those who heard and saw those signs chose to simply do nothing and took no action. Don’t do that in the case of suicide that may appear in your life. If you see some of these signs, take some action. Someone’s life weighs in the balance of what YOU decide.

 

The “Gingerbread Person”

A new law went into effect in California November of 2017. Very few outside of the state of California have paid much attention to it and few realize its impact on childhood public education. Amy Haywood who was formerly a legislative aid on Capitol Hill in Washington heard about the new law, was flabbergasted about what it contains and what it means, and has weighed-in about its potential devastating and certain effects on California AND any other place in the U.S. if this law or similar laws are enacted. She wrote the following in October before the law went into effect.

Buckle up: this one will rock you!

By Amy Haywood

Something odd is happening in California. Historic and unprecedented changes that will affect millions of children are about to hit our schools; even though it is one of the most controversial topics in the history of mankind, I hear NO ONE talking about it. In November, the California State Board of Education is set to adopt new textbooks for history and social sciences that will carry out the mandates of California Senate Bill 48 (SB48), the FAIR Education Act, which provides for the inclusion of the Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Transgender (LGBT) perspective in K-12 textbooks.

I first learned about the issue because my 8-year-old had access to a program through her public school called BrainPop (this was material that had to go through the district, so I do not believe teachers even realize that this information is available. Note: We have only had excellent teachers at Willow Grove, and I do not fault them for any of this material that is provided by a PUSD-approved vendor). While perusing the site I came across information under the heading “Sex Determination.” It described chromosomal abnormalities that caused babies with male chromosomes to be born with female reproductive organs. It urged children with questions to contact the Intersex Society of North America. Under the “Sports” heading for this topic of sex determination, children could learn about athlete Caster Semenya. Many questioned whether or not she was a female. A professor of bioethics was quoted as saying, “‘There isn’t really one simple way to sort out males and females…Genes, hormones, and genitals are pretty complicated…Biology does not fit neatly into simple categories.’”

I wondered how it was legal for this age-inappropriate information to be allowed into an elementary school without parental permission.  As I dug for information, I learned that not only was it legal because of SB 48, it was about to be pushed even more aggressively once new textbooks were adopted in 2017. The Act mandates the inclusion of the LGBT perspective in school curricula (K-12), and it prohibits instruction that would adversely reflect on religion and the LGBT community.

I viewed the testimony from the bill’s March 23, 2011 hearing in the CA Senate Education Committee. One of the bill’s opponents, a retired psychologist, Dr. Robert Evans, raised some valid questions about the proposed language when he asked,“First, I am wondering if… in adding sexual orientation and religion to the list of characteristics for which instructional material shall not reflect adversely…, how would one responsibly teach concerning a religion that holds a less than favorable view of homosexuality without such instruction, per se, reflecting adversely on that religion?”

Senator Alan Lowenthal dismissed his concern saying, “We take five years before we get things into the textbooks, and so I’m sure that will be dealt with if this bill moves forward.”

This issue was never addressed.

Evans also pointed out that the language confuses characteristics that are chosen versus characteristics that are ingrained in one’s DNA. He said that in “adding the role and contributions of lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender Americans and European Americans to the list of groups of people…that are required to be included, that… it confuses two different classifications of traits not two different classifications of persons…one that is innate and one that is a list of characteristics and/or choices that have not to date been conclusively demonstrated to be innate.”

This is a valid concern that was not addressed.

Dr. Miriam Grossman, a medical doctor with training in pediatrics and psychiatry, shared with the committee from her expertise in child development. She claimed that SB 48 was “based on seriously flawed thinking…” and she had “…deep concerns about the consequences to the children…” of California if it became law.  The authors of the bill “ignored fundamental principles of child development.” Grossman stressed that there are differences in the way children and adults “process and integrate information and experiences,” and some facts “a child cannot easily assimilate because he simply lacks the tools to do so; he is immature and can be overwhelmed and confused more easily than adults.”

Grossman explained that small children do not have the ability to understand “the idea of transgenderism—that a person can feel trapped in the wrong body…that the person feels that nature made a mistake and that this idea of going to a doctor and asking the doctor to remove a normal body part; this is confusing and frightening to children….” Acknowledging that such ideas are hard for adults even to understand, Grossman concluded there is no way to explain such a concept in an age-appropriate way. She claimed that the bill ignores standard child psychiatry material in regard to gender permanence, which is a developmental milestone that is reached by 6 or 7 years of age.

Grossman emphasized that children are not “miniature adults,” and “it is our responsibility to protect children as best we can from exposure to facts and experiences that they are not equipped to handle.” She also stated her belief that it’s possible to “teach children the importance of respect and tolerance in a manner that is consistent with child development and biological truths.”

Despite these serious concerns, and those raised by many other witnesses, the FAIR Education Act passed in 2011 and took effect in January of 2012—but the questions Evans and Grossman raised remain unanswered.

Today we are seeing the effects of this poorly written law coming to fruition. The textbooks up for consideration will incorporate the mandates of this law. The proposed textbooks are searchable online at the California Department of Education (CDE) website, so I searched several of the textbooks and found quite a bit of one-sided material aimed at normalizing these issues that are still dividing our country.

Just to show a couple of examples, in Pearson’s myWorld Interactive 2, Chapter 5 teaches second graders about Jose Julio Sarria, a Californian who ran for public office in the sixties. The text reads:

“He decided to be honest. He told people he was gay and that sometimes he dressed as a woman. He was the first person to do this when running for office. He did not win. But he made people know they had to pay attention to the gay community.”

Children are then prompted to write about how Sarria’s honesty was inspirational to others.

Additionally, Pearson’s myWorld Interactive 3, on a lesson about “California Heroes,” introduces transgender activist Chaz Bono, and informs third graders that “gender refers to whether someone is male or female. Transgender people feel that their gender is the opposite of what it was at birth. Bono was born female, but always felt male. He changed his gender and today lives as a man. Bono and other activists fight against discrimination and other stereotypes of their community.”

I reviewed all of the texts for elementary school, and I was alarmed at the content, so I submitted a comment in anticipation of the public comment meeting to be held in August. I informed some of my friends about this issue, but it was complete news to them.

In early September, I asked an Education Programs Consultant in the Curriculum Frameworks Unit at CDE to send me a link to all of the written public comments and a link to the audio files of the meeting, which he did. In a very cursory search through pages of public comments, and on the topic of inclusion of LGBT material, I could only find one statement in outright opposition—and that was my own. Many were opposed to some of the textbooks, but only because they deemed them not aggressive enough in carrying out the purposes of the FAIR Education Act. Is it possible that there might only be one person or a handful of people in all of California who are opposed to these changes? This is highly doubtful.

What parents need also need to know about this issue is that there may be a way out. In regard to the implementation of SB48, CDE guidance states that “it falls to the teacher and the local school and district administration to determine how the content is covered and at which grade level(s).” Furthermore, Education Code Section 60002 stipulates, “Each district board shall provide for substantial teacher involvement in the selection of instructional materials and shall promote the involvement of parents and other members of the community in the selection of instructional materials.” Parents need to get involved and speak up in their local school districts.

Also, if parents are not taken seriously, I believe this issue will make its way to the Supreme Court; SB 48 and the resulting textbook changes suppress Constitutional rights by elevating LGBT beliefs over other beliefs.

So, why the eery silence and seeming apathy on an issue of such importance to the well being of our children? I suspect that Chief Justice Roberts’ dissent in the Obergefell v. Hodges ruling that made same-sex marriage legal across the United States foreshadowed this situation exactly when he wrote:

“By the majority’s account, Americans who did nothing more than follow the understanding of marriage that has existed for our entire history—in particular, the tens of millions of people who voted to affirm their States’ enduring definition of marriage—have acted to ‘lock…out,’ ‘disparage,’ ‘disrespect and subordinate,’ and inflict ‘[d]ignitary wounds’ upon their gay and lesbian neighbors.”

Chief Justice Roberts predicted that these “assaults on the character of fair-minded people will have an effect, in society and in court…It is one thing for the majority to conclude that the Constitution protects a right to same-sex marriage; it is something else to portray everyone who does not share the majority’s ‘better informed understanding’ as bigoted.”

As Chief Justice Roberts foretold, people who don’t share the beliefs of the LGBT community are often labeled as bigots. As such, people are afraid to speak up—even though the First Amendment fully supports their right to do so. I suspect many people believe like I do—I support your right to live your life according to what you fervently believe in your heart and mind to be true; but the Constitution prohibits you from using the government to force your sexual orientation and gender identity ideologies on my child causing her to go against the dictates of her conscience. If parents and concerned citizens don’t speak up, I fear for the First Amendment rights of the families and children of California—and, in the long run, the United States.

Summary

Wake up America! You can bet this is coming to your state and city!

I Hate Divorce

Wow: talk about a hot button! Obviously this is not a political story — or is it?

Let’s face facts: YOU probably don’t know anyone who has not been personally impacted by divorce: in their marriage, their parents’, siblings, aunts, uncles, cousins, close friends, business associates — and the list goes on and on.

This is NOT  in any way to demean any who have/are/will be impacted by divorce, but merely to get every person looking in to understand how/why divorce not only happens, but happens so often….AND to think about how to if not stop it, slow it down, and eliminate as much of it as possible.

Christmas

December 22, 1969, was the beginning of my divorce horror. I was 16 on that day when my Dad left Mom and me — literally “left” us — and moved away. The devastation was massive and far-reaching. My Dad pastored a small church in south Louisiana. So not only did his decision wreak havoc on us, but on the church itself and every member.

My questions were many and the usual: Did he not love Mom and/or me? Did I/we do anything wrong to drive him away? Was there someone else he loved more? What was going to happen to me/us? How were we going to make it financially without him? And that list goes on and on. When you factor in the different questions that were certainly asked by others impacted by his sudden departure, the pile of unanswered questions became mountainous. And — like in almost every divorce — the answers were wild and varied. And the REAL answers remained hidden.

Before actually leaving a spouse and/or family, few realize the multitude of issues and immediate and permanent life-changes that are initiated. Beginning with that Christmas in 1969, EVERY Christmas season since has been at best traumatic for me. And I’m about to participate in my 65th Christmas! And that’s just the start. EVERY circumstance, relationship, experience, decision, holiday, wedding, funeral, graduation, illness, etc. are altered forever for every person impacted by a divorce.

My Dad passed away last year at 91. “I wonder if he had it to do all over again, would he still leave Mom and me?” That question further illustrates another horror of divorce: we’ll never know the answer to that question! He lived 48 years  after leaving with that question hanging over his head. It had to be brutal for him.

Divorce: Why?

Of course there are the very obvious reasons for some divorces: physical abuse, mental abuse, or child abuses of any kind. But it’s those divorces that occur in a vacuum of grey that are the concerning ones — the ones that can/should on the most part be avoided. That “grey” area is the target of this conversation.

The reasons plucked from this grey chasm for pursuing, allowing, and/or initiating divorce are so vast in number they could fill the Grand Canyon. They include incompatibility, adultery, financial waste and/or domination, anger, disrespect, “growing apart,” or simply “not getting along.” Rather than endeavor to deal with each individual reason used for justification for choosing divorce that fall into this grey area, let’s deal with the structural and fundamental failures of marriages that lead to divorce.

  • In The Beginning Dating, getting to know someone, then falling in love is a really wonderful experience. When those from my generation experienced this process, the World in which we functioned regarding communication with each other (especially with children about such things) was vastly different from that process today. Partly because of electronics, smart phones, and the internet, partly because of all the other distractions this generation of young people have in their lives that are unique, and partly because the helter-skelter lifestyle in which most Americans live is not conducive for constant and thorough communication, (even within families) young people today do not have nearly enough two-way input with those with whom they love. Without that understanding of everything about each other, it is much easier to make permanent life relationship commitments “thinking” that other person is someone they really are not. The results of that are often fatal for that marriage. Remember that addage “You never know someone until you live with them?”
  • Lack of Truthfulness  Members of this generation on the most part hate confrontations. The easy way to avoid back-and-forth with a spouse is to simply deny something that really is true or to ignore it. How often has this happened in communication with your spouse: “Honey, what’s wrong?” The almost constant response: “Oh, nothing,” when we know that answer is untruthful. The actual lie that’s implied or spoken is NOT the real problem — just a symptom. The reasons for feelings that spring-up from whatever is wrong are the real problems. As long as they are hidden and not dealt with, divorce is very often the inevitability.

The Big Kahuna

Let’s face facts: if both parties to a marriage are willing, almost any issue can be dealt with and when dealt with, few can become fatal. But that is a really big “if.”

That brings us to the most important key to the prevention of almost every divorce — even the nasty ones. There is a way to beat the pain and trauma of almost every contributing factor in today’s divorces. It requires a lot of work, a lot of really good honest and consistent communication. And it requires major commitment from both parties.

The Big Kahuna that is present in almost every marriage today (and maybe in many other countries) is this: most couples enter a marriage with this thought in the backs of their minds, “IF this doesn’t work out, if he/she cheats on me, is dishonest to me, lies to me, hurts me, or if I simply find out I really don’t love her/him the way I thought I did, I can always get a divorce.”

With that as the default position in the minds of either or both who enter a marriage, it is almost inevitable that when that couple faces some of the horrendous trials, temptations, heartaches, and worldly challenges of today, the temptation will almost always be to take the “easy way out,” and simply walk away. The problem is, however, adopting that mindset and acting on it at some point in a marriage is NOT the “easy way out,” especially when there are children in the picture. No one ever walks away unscathed.

It is also inevitable in such a situation that somewhere in their future, one or both of those people will realize “if I had only worked a little harder, talked to him/her a little more, been a little more honest, taken responsibility for more of my mistakes, and made them proud of my loving commitment to them in our marriage, we could have made it.” When that happens, the guilt and condemnation of that marriage failure takes hold of their minds and hearts and makes life unnecessarily MORE difficult, MORE painful, and much harder to successfully move on.

Summary

There is no doubt that divorce in America in many cases will continue. They are all unfortunate, almost always heartbreaking, and divorce victims are usually doomed to lives of regret. Wouldn’t it be much more effective and much simpler if both in communication with each other prior to tying the knot make it clear that “I’m in this to the end. No matter what comes up I commit to always bring my concerns to you, discuss them openly, and work with every fiber of my being to find solutions with you to get  through those successfully together, which will only serve to make our relationship stronger.”

If my Mom and Dad had that conversation, you can bet that at 64, I would NOT have the regrets of the failure of their marriage still always in the hidden recesses of my mind.

If you are a victim of divorce in any way, do not for a moment feel that as a result you are flawed, ruined, or without any relationship hope. Reality is exactly opposite! You are now better prepared to not only KNOW how to move forward in a future permanent relationship, but to personally make the “forever” commitment for real, and help your soul-mate to understand and then live in the same commitment. You now know how to keep from ending up alone again and can lead that person down that same path along with you.

Not only am I the product of a broken home, my wife was a divorcee when we met. Because of the scars of my family divorce trauma of 1969, SHE had to deal with MY pain and suffering. Because of her divorce from her 2-year marriage failure, I had to deal with HER pain and suffering. Please know that in our marriage of 43 years, those mutual pains from separate and different divorces have always been two 900-pound gorillas in our home. When the emotions, pain, anger and loss from those two divorces get loud and spill over the edges of our minds, it is always tempting to let them feed the narrative between us. And can that verbal narrative get loud and testy! But it takes communication, understanding, forgiveness, and acceptance to be able to get through without quitting.

Ours has been a rarity to say the least. The odds were really high against it lasting. Many times even after 43 years there are moments when the easy way out seems to be the best way forward. Why has neither of us walked away?

Commitment.

I hate divorce….I refuse to accept it for me or my family….we don’t quit.

The “tough stuff” in saying that is that it requires some really hard work and commitment and forgiveness and acceptance that under those circumstances is often difficult to offer up — but it’s necessary.

I hate divorce so much I told my wife before we married, “We will NEVER allow divorce in our family. We will communicate in honesty and love. And when bad things come our way, we will work together to find resolution that will save our marriage — no matter what the cost. WE WILL STICK IT OUT!

And we have.

My brother wrote a song years ago titled “Anything Worth Having is Worth Hurting For.

Do you feel that way about your marriage? Are you willing to hurt enough to do whatever it takes to make it through?

If so, you ARE my hero!

If not, prayerfully find a way to reassess your relationship. And don’t give up…..don’t you EVER give up!