Democrat, Republican, or Southerner: Which are You?

Here is a little test that will help you decide.  The correct answer is the one that best fits what your response would be.  The test:

You’re walking down a deserted street with your wife and two small children.  Suddenly, a terrorist with a huge knife walks around the corner, locks eyes with you, screams obscenities, raises his knife, and charges you.  You are carrying a Kimber 1911 .45 caliber ACP, and you are an expert shot.  You have just seconds before he reaches you and your family.  What do you do?

Democrat’s Answer

  • That’s not enough information to answer the question!
  • What is a Kimber 1911 .45 caliber ACP?
  • Does the man look poor or oppressed?
  • Is he really a terrorist?  Am I guilty of profiling?
  • Have I ever done anything to him that would inspire him to attack?
  • Could we run away?
  • What does my wife think?
  • What about the kids?
  • Could I possibly swing the gun like a club and knock the knife out of his hand?
  • What does the law say about this situation?
  • Does the pistol have appropriate safety built into it?
  • Why am I carrying a loaded gun anyway, and what kind of message does that send to society and to my children?
  • Is it possible he’d be happy with killing just me?
  • Does he definitely want to kill me, or would he be content to just wound me?
  • If I were to grab his knees and hold on, could my family get away while he was stabbing me?
  • Should I call 911?
  • Why is this street so deserted?
  • We need to raise taxes, have paint and weed day.
  • Can we make this a happier, healthier street that would discourage such behavior?
  • I need to debate this with some friends for a few days and try to come to a consensus.
  • This is all so confusing!

Republican’s Answer

BANG!!!

Southerner’s Answer

BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!

CLICK!  (sounds of reloading…)

BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!

CLICK!

Daughter: “Nice grouping, Dad!  Were those the Winchester silver tips or hollow points?”

Son: “Can I shoot the next one?”

Wife: “You are NOT taking that to the taxidermist!”

(Thanks to Keith Winsell)


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