I was sitting at Starbucks one day a month ago and two really large women came in, speaking with an interesting accent. So I said, “Cool accent, are you two ladies from Ireland?”
One of them snarled at me, “It’s Wales, dumbo!”
So I corrected myself, “Oh, right, so are you two whales from Ireland?”
That’s all I remembered when I woke up at the hospital yesterday.
A child asked his father, “How were people born?” So his father said, “Adam and Eve made babies, then their babies became adults and made babies, and so on.” The child then went to his mother, asked her the same question and she told him, “We were monkeys then we evolved to become like we are now.” The child ran back to his father and said, “You lied to me!” His father replied, “No, your mom was talking about her side of the family.”
A west Texas redneck got a full scholarship to Texas A&M. His first week there he went to an honors Physics class. That day the class was discussing the properties of light. The professor turned off the light in the room, took a flashlight out of his pocket, turned it on, and shined the light beam at the ceiling. He asked the class, “What would happen if you climbed to the top of this light beam?” The redneck raised his hand to answer. His answer to the professor’s question was classic: “Professor, we’re not stupid. As soon as one of us climbed to the top of that light beam, you’d turn the flashlight off!”