Two Cows

 

We often get confused when we hear different types of world governments labeled in the press and conversations with others.  Quite honestly there are quite a variety of government philosophies in the World today.  Through history many have come and gone, but many find their way around to countries throughout the World from time to time.  When that happens they are usually revised to fit applicable differences in government thought and philosophy, but usually the core of each remains intact.

Because there are so many, I thought it would  be fun to use some “comparative humor” in explaining their differences.  In doing so, the economic perspective seems to me to be one we can all relate to.  Enjoy!

SOCIALISM

You have 2 cows.  You give one to your neighbor

COMMUNISM

You have 2 cows.  The State takes both and gives you some milk

FASCISM

You have 2 cows.  The State takes both and sells you some milk

NAZISM

You have 2 cows.  The State takes both and shoots you

BUREAUCRATISM

You have 2 cows.  The State takes both, shoots one, milks the other, and then
throws the milk away

TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM

You have two cows.  You sell one and buy a bull.  Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows.  You sell them and retire on the income

ROYAL BANK OF SCOTLAND (VENTURE) CAPITALISM

You have two cows.  You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows. The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island Company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company.  The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more. You sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States, leaving you with nine cows. No balance sheet provided with the release.  The public then buys your bull.

SURREALISM

You have two giraffes.  The government requires you to take harmonica lessons.

AN AMERICAN CORPORATION

You have two cows.  You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows.  Later, you hire a consultant to analyze why the cow has dropped dead.

A GREEK CORPORATION

You have two cows. You borrow lots of euros to build barns, milking sheds, hay stores, feed sheds, dairies, cold stores, abattoir, cheese unit and packing sheds.  You still only have two cows.
A FRENCH CORPORATION

You have two cows.  You go on strike, organize a riot, and block the roads, because you want three cows.

A JAPANESE CORPORATION

You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. You then create a clever cow cartoon image called a Cowkimona and market it worldwide.

AN ITALIAN CORPORATION

You have two cows, but you don’t know where they are.
You decide to have lunch.

A SWISS CORPORATION

You have 5000 cows. None of them belong to you.
You charge the owners for storing them.

A CHINESE CORPORATION

You have two cows.  You have 300 people milking them.
You claim that you have full employment, and high bovine productivity.
You arrest the newsman who reported the real situation.

AN INDIAN CORPORATION

You have two cows.  You worship them.
A BRITISH CORPORATION

You have two cows.  Both are mad.

AN IRAQI CORPORATION

Everyone thinks you have lots of cows.  You tell them that you have none.
No one believes you, so they bomb the ** out of you and invade your country.
You still have no cows, but at least you are now a Democracy.

AN AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION

You have two cows.  Business seems pretty good.  You close the office and go for a few beers to celebrate.

A NEW ZEALAND CORPORATION

You have two cows.  The one on the left looks very attractive…

Ireland 2015

You have two cows.  The government introduces a cow tax and you sell them to pay the tax. The government introduces a no cow tax.

Ireland:

You have two cows. Your neighbor has three. You hate him.

Ireland:

You had two cows but one was forced to immigrate to the US and the other drank itself to death.

 


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